Monday, February 08, 2010

I CANNOT FOREVER MOURN

I wrote this poem back in March of 2009.
I hope you like it. Someone told me, after looking at this blog, that "I don't like poetry." I responded, "No one was forcing you to look at my blog. If you have chosen the self-imposed limitation of telling yourself that you don't like poetry, then why didn't you just click-away to somewhere else? My poetry is for folks who appreciate poetry!" My acquaintance just mumbled as he walked away. So... for those of you who do enjoy poetry, please enjoy!


I CANNOT FOREVER MOURN

The day you died
I was by your side
You withdrew deep inside
I hugged you tight, as I cried
Your time had come, I could not hide
I wanted badly to the facts denied
But did not bring you back, though I tried
And something deep inside me died.

You meant so much, we lived as one
You were my moon, I was the sun
Together many battles won
Some lost too, which wasn’t fun
As fact sunk in, my mind was stunned
No more time, it was all done
As memories view and cried a ton
would never again have your hot cross bun
as baking bread your dharma was
You fully entered the thing you does
You didn’t question, ask why, just because
didn’t concern about what’s the buzz

Three months later I still daily cried
Was something that I tried to hide
Laughter too I often tried
Was good for me for time to bide
And one day George of Burbank said
Why aren’t you mourning? Got another friend?
I only laughed, as face I read
Thinking hard on what he said.
How much longer shall I mourn?
I can’t cry forever, must be reborn
Even though so deeply inside torn
I must force smile and seek new morn
Dolores wills it, she says to me
I see her smile in dreamtime see
As telling me true of my life key
Of how to live, of how to be
Of need to face sun, go forward free
Explore the meaning, in every tree
To love Otis, Popoki, even bee

It’s time for me to be reborn
I cannot forever mourn.

031309

3 comments:

john said...

to have walked for even one day
as sun and moon together
is a blessing yours to say
you can take with you forever

for me there were only shadows
which I infused with my own light
and as I saw them for what they really are
they removed themselves from sight

so your song touches me deeply
as I appreciate your gift
that in this lonely garden
through the dense brush
you did sift

and found there even just one flower
you could sit with for an hour

while some of us
in this same field
come away with empty yield

and say "oh well."
without her hand in mine
this place is hell.

I never found that one
or she has not yet found me

yours lives with you forever
as a blessed memory.

Be Reborn Sir!

loweyesah said...

Thanks for allowing us into your heart. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and emotions. Too many men now-a-days do not seek what is in their inner-self. I appreciate all of your poetry and writings. I know that all of those we have loved will forever be a part of us, but when they can no longer be around us, we must continue to enjoy and live life..... even without them. I grieve with you my friend, but I also revel in the new day that is dawning and the new relationships you have and are experiencing.

Peace through Christ,
Frank Loaiza

Jacquelyn Brenner said...

Dear Christopher
Thank you for your poetry. My beloved husband Douglas died on July 20th this year in our home, just 20 days shy of our 8th wedding anniversary. The night of our anniversary I dreamed two dreams of him. The first dream was of me opening a door in an unfamiliar house. In the room was my husband's body, it was rising out of the bed it was in, stood and stared directly into my eyes and said "How dare you think for one minute that you did not give me everything I ever needed from you!! Now stop it! I had just gotten back from driving his body back to Iowa from Arizona. He wanted to be buried in the soil where his blood had been made and so he was. The second dream occurred in the morning, We were at some spiritual conference and the time had come to say goodbye to all the many participants. It was sort of a chaotic receiving line, more like people just turning to the person next to them and saying goodbye. I turned and there was Doug, my first thought was "Oh wonderful, you are still alive so I can now tell you all that is in my heart" he looked at me and then he spun me around and thrust into the arms of a person whom I had never met, we embraced and a feeling of warmth and safety flowed over me,something that had been missed for a long time. The person then held me at arms length, smiled at me and said "Not yet" I arose and went about getting the newspaper from the driveway and Lo and behold there was an article with that person's face in it.It was an article about you and it was your face. Apparently I needed to read this poem of yours to be reminded that this intense and devastating grief that I feel over loosing him will not last forever, but that it is a transformational part of life and an honor to have the opportunity to have loved and been loved. Some of the last words that my husband spoke were "Oh God, thank You for letting me finally have love in my life." It was a gift for me to know that that he knew that he was loved and that he would be missed. Thank you again for your words. Jacquelyn