On Panhandling, and Homelessness
Part One
[www.SchoolofSelf-Reliance.com]
I’ve often wrestled with the
conflict of how to deal with the person on the street who asks me for money.
I ask myself, “Should I give this fellow
the dime, or the dollar, that he’s asking for? Will he use it for alcohol or
drugs? Or is this person genuinely in
need of food and coffee? Is the person homeless, or just in a low ebb?
For most of my life, I’ve chosen
between one of two courses of action, both of which left me feeling uneasy.
I’d either say “No, I haven’t any
change,” because I didn’t want to interact with the person, or, I’d toss some
change at the person, paying him off, as it were, so I would be left
alone. Oh, there was a third option too –
just ignore the person.
An experience of mine showed me
that there is another way, a more humane way, of dealing with our fellow man
(or woman).
I was with several friends tending
to some business in downtown L.A., a few days before Christmas. We stopped to have dinner at Phillipe’s, across
the street from Olvera Street and Grand Central Station.
As we were departing the
restaurant, a man who’d been standing just outside the door asked one of my
friends if he could have some change for a sandwich.
My friend, Vernon, asked the stranger
his name.
“My name is William,” the man
replied, somewhat suspiciously.
Vernon then simply asked the man
what kind of sandwich he wanted.
“Ham!,” William immediately responded. Vernon then asked one of our group to go back
into the restaurant and buy William a ham sandwich. William wanted to wait outside, but Vernon
insisted that we all go inside together.
Vernon then sat William down at one of the stools at Phillipe’s, and
served him a ham sandwich, pickles, and a cup of coffee (black).
Needless to say, the rest of us
were a bit taken aback, but since Vernon was our teacher, we respectfully kept
quiet.
Vernon then talked with William,
learning that William was currently unemployed, lived alone in a small nearby
apartment, and was in his late 40s. William
spoke openly about this situation as he savored his sandwich. William was
dressed modestly, with clothes that were by no means new, and a bit
scuffed. But he was by no means a “bum,”
even though one might think otherwise by looking at him.
Vernon told William – and it was
the first time I’d heard this – that he (Vernon) had been in a similar
situation several years earlier. Thanks
to the goodwill of total strangers who took Vernon in until he “got back on his
feet,” Vernon was able to re-enter the work force and “become a productive
asset to society.” William stopped
chewing and looked at Vernon when he said that. “That meant I was able to pay my
bills,” said Vernon, laughing. William and the rest of us laughed too.
William was highly and openly appreciative. He loudly proclaimed as we took our leave, “It’s
good to know there are still humans out there.”
During our drive home – we had all
come in one vehicle – we discussed what Vernon had done. To me, I had just witnessed a revelatory “better
way” of dealing with my fellow man.
Since then, I’ve put this into
practice on many occasions. In some
instances, the individual refused my offer of food because he wanted to buy
alcohol. But overall, following Vernon’s
example has provided me with uplifting interactions with people I’d previously
remained blind to. One man actually told
me that I was the first person who talked to him in two weeks! He’d seen people, and people gave him money,
but no one else actually took a moment to talk to him.
In those cases where I was aggressively
asked for money, I would refuse or walk away.
I was repelled by the notion that I owed
the person something, because they were down on their luck. Years later, when I experienced a period of
homelessness, I kept this in mind, that my attitude can be a major factor in
whether or not someone will choose to get involved with me in solving my
problem. For example, among other
things, I learned to always lead with an offer when I was in need, and I learned
to find how I could benefit the person from whom I was seeking aid.
Of course, none of this is a long-term
solution to homelessness, or poverty, but it is a step in the right
direction. I believe that most people
are more than willing to help others if they are approached with humility and
honesty.